Questions to Ask Grandparents Before the Stories Are Lost

Almost everyone I speak to has the same regret. They wish they had asked their grandparents more questions while they still could. The stories were there, waiting, but nobody thought to ask until it was too late.

If your grandparents are still with you, this is an invitation. The right questions to ask grandparents can open doors to stories you have never heard, and give them the gift of being listened to.

Choose a relaxed setting. A cup of tea at the kitchen table works better than a formal interview. Let them know you are curious about their life and would love to hear their stories.

Ask permission to record. A simple voice recording on your phone is enough. Most grandparents are happy to be recorded once they understand why. Many are touched that someone wants to remember their words.

Do not try to cover everything at once. One conversation, one theme, is plenty. You can always come back for more.

Childhood memories are often the easiest place to begin. They tend to be vivid and full of detail.

• Where did you grow up, and what was your house like?

• What games did you play with your friends?

• What was school like, and who was your favourite teacher?

• What did your family eat on special occasions?

Listen for names and places. Note them down afterwards, because they are the details most likely to be forgotten.

These questions often lead to the stories grandchildren treasure most.

• How did you meet your husband or wife?

• What was your wedding day like?

• What do you remember about becoming a parent?

• What was the hardest part of raising a family?

Some answers will be funny. Some may be painful. Let them share at their own pace, and be ready simply to listen.

Grandparents lived through times that are history to us. Their everyday experiences can be fascinating.

• What was your first job, and how much were you paid?

• What changes in the world surprised you most?

• Where were you during big events you remember?

• What did you want to be when you were young?

These questions often reveal how much the world has changed, and how much has stayed the same.

Grandparents are often the last link to earlier generations. Ask about the people they knew that you never did.

• What do you remember about your own grandparents?

• Where did our family come from before that?

• Are there family stories that have been passed down to you?

• Are there objects in the family with a story attached?

These answers can be the foundation of your family history. Our pillar article on how family stories become part of a child’s identity explains why they matter so much.

Finally, ask what they have learned. These questions can lead to some of the most meaningful conversations.

• What are you most proud of?

• What would you do differently if you could?

• What advice would you give your grandchildren?

• How would you like to be remembered?

Not every grandparent finds it easy to share. Some grew up in families where people did not talk about feelings. Others have memories that are painful, or are living with illness that makes recall difficult.

Go gently. Short conversations are fine. Photographs, music from their youth or a familiar object can help memories surface naturally. Sometimes it is easier for a grandparent to talk while doing something else, such as cooking, gardening or going for a slow walk.

If a topic is clearly painful, let it rest. The aim is connection, not a complete record. Even a few stories, told willingly, are a treasure.

A recording on your phone is a start, but phones get lost and replaced. Store recordings somewhere safe, label them with the date and the name of the speaker, and share them with other family members.

Old photographs make wonderful companions to these stories. If your grandparents have albums, ask them to talk through the pictures. Our guide to the stories hidden inside old family photographs has more ideas. Find more on family storytelling.